Five Signs I am (possibly) on my way to becoming a functional adult

1. I’m twenty

Even if I was the biggest screw up in the world, my age is something I have indefinitely. I could be working at McDonalds and have a butterfly tattoo on my hip bone but it wouldn’t be able to take away the fact I am technically, by default, a real life adult.

2. I have friends in New York City

Nothing says “grown up” to me quite like having friends in New York City: the kind you phone and say “Honnneeeyyy! Dahling! It’s been so long! Shal we meet later today for a coffee, lunch and maybe a mani-pedi? I know the CUTEST place!” Your New York friends are always pretty, always interesting, and always wearing black. They always know the cutest place to get dinner and have all the most exciting stories to tell.  There’s something so adult feeling about having friends in a cosmopolitan city, especially when you choose to ignore the fact your New York City friends always have their shit together a little more than you do.

3. I’m in a healthy, long term relationship

There is something to be said about the fact that I am in a happy, grown-up relationship. Due to my “taken” status I no longer participate in youthful activities that involve heavy amounts of drinking and minimal amounts of clothing. My “fun nights out” now include much less tequila and a lot more wine. Instead of prancing around campus in a little more than my underwear looking for a frat boy to sweatily dance with in a sketchy basement I now choose to do things like binge-watch arrested development with my boyfriend while eating chinese takeout in my footie pajamas. Nothing says “sexy, adult couple” like Grubhub, Netflix and oversized children’s loungewear.

4. I’ve met Ryan Gosling

Yes, I went to a movie premiere. Yes, it turned into a 15 minutes of fame, and it was really cool. Yet it is almost a little sad, because for all I know that could be it. And let me tell you, my 15 minutes aged me. I feel so disconnected from the ultimate female fantasy: meeting Ryan Gosling. It happened to me. It’s over. It will never happen again. The thing is…it really isn’t supposed to happen. That’s the point. Ryan Gosling is something women are supposed to have in their heads as an aspiration. Someone to dedicate your sexy underwear to that nobody is going to see that day. Someone to set as your phone background when a tangible, datable man in your life is nonexistent. Someone to cry about while watching The Notebook alone in your room. Now that I’ve met him, all of those fantasies have popped and turned into a single fond memory.  Now that I can’t participate in the intangible Ryan Gosling worshipping I am forced to leave my girly squeals and passionate daydreams behind and focus on real things…like my resume. God, I wish resumes had abs……

5. I dress like a big girl

I bought lipstick the other day. Not cheap, $5 lisptick from CVS, but a tube of Stila lipstick from Sephora. All my life I’ve seen lipstick as something my mother wore to “brighten up her face.” Now it is something I actively am purchasing and am interested in, along with other grown up things, like interview clothes, neutral manicures and shoulder length haircuts. My change in interest seemed to happen overnight…one day I was wearing t shirts from the sale rack at Urban Outfitters and the next stalking the J Crew website for markdowns on nude flats. Along with my new found love for the 35 year old teacher look I’ve also found a love for finding things to go with these oh-so-fabulous additions to my wardrobe: such as my dream job, dream home office, and dream apartment to fit all of these things in. I’m not sure if I have my inner motivation to thank or should send a thank you card to the CEO of Pinterest…but regardless, those goals are in my head.

And that is a great, grown-up place for a goal to be.


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